Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
