I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Randomize
