u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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