omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
