Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We need to get me chipped asap
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
