i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
