I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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