In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
