Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
