How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
