remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
