just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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