Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
