Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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