so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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