$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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