I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
