she woke up with a sticky ear
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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