I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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