When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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