the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i dont even know how to be here
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
