Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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