I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
