Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
