Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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