apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Text me some of your sweat
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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