I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
