In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize