i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
