he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
