I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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