The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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