My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
