gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
