I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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