when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
