Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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