then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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