I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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