can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
