My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
