So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize