Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
