What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
