well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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