i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
