I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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