why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
