I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
