nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
