I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
