I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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