margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
