Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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