And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
