puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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