I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
