yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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