I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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