i can't believe i had my finger in that
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
