Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
