May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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