I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize