From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
