I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
