I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize