the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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