I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
