hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
