Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I understand Curling. That high.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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