Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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