wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just pee around me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
